An Acknowledgement of a Fault Heals It

O Holy God (Lev. 11:45), just Judge (Ps. 7:12), my sins are ever before Your eyes, and present to Your thought. Every hour I think of death, for every hour death threatens me. Every day I think of the judgement (2 Cor. 5:10), because for every day I must give an account at the Day of Judgement. I examine my life, and see: it is altogether vain and wicked. Vain and unprofitable are many of my actions; vainer still are very many of my words; full of vanity are most of my thoughts.

Nor is my life only vanity; it is also unholy and wicked; nothing good do I find in it. Even if I should find in it anything apparently good, yet it is not really good and perfect, because it is tainted with original sin and a corrupt nature. The godly Job said (Job 9:28), "I am afraid of all my works" and if so pious a saint complains this way, what must I, a miserable sinner, say of myself?

"All our righteousnesses are like filthy rags" (Isa. 44:6). If such be our righteousness, what then will be our unrighteousness? "When you have done," said the Savior (Luke 17:10), "all those things which you are commanded, say 'We are unprofitable servants.'" If we are unprofitable when we obey, surely we will always be unprofitable when we break His commands. O Holy God, if I owe You myself and all I can do even when I commit no sin, what can I possibly offer You when I sin? Our righteousness, however excellent it seems to us, is nothing but unrighteousness when compared with Yours. A lamp that gleams in the darkness is obscured in the light of the sun. Often a stick is thought to be straight until it is compared with a rule. Then, its crookedness appears. The impression of a seal often appears perfect to the ordinary beholder, while the eyes of a professional will discover many defects. So often a deed that glows in the opinion of the doer appears mean in the thought of the Judge. The judgements of men are one thing; the judgements of God are another.

The remembrance of my many sins terrifies me, but O, how many more escape my memory! "Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults" (Ps. 19:12) O Lord. To heaven I dare not lift up my eyes (Luke 8:13), because I have offended Him who dwells in the heavens. Nor can I find any refuge upon earth. For how dare I hope for any favor from the creature, since I have offended the Lord of all creatures?

My adversary, the devil, accuses me (Rev. 12:10): "O righteous Judge," he says to God, "decree him mine on account of his sin, who would not be Yours through the offer of Your grace; Yours he is by nature, but mine by his willfull delight in sin; Yours he is through Your passion, but mine through my persuasion; disobedient to You, he has been obedient to me; from You he has received the robe of immortality and innocence, from me he has received these tattered garments of unrighteousness; Your robe he has lost, but in mine he comes to you. Decree him then to be mine, and condemn him to share my eternal damnation."

All the elements rise in judgement against me. The heavens cry out, "I have comforted you with light." The air exclaims, "I have given you every variety of birds for your pleasure." The water says, "I have given you every kind of fish for your sustenance. The earth declares, "I have supplied you with bread and wine for your nourishment. Yet you have abused all these things and have brought our common Creator into contempt. Let all our blessings therefore be turned into instruments to torture you!" The fire now cries out, "Let him be burnt in me!" The water says, "Let him be drowned in me." The air calls out, "Let him be tossed and driven by my tempests." The earth exclaims, "Let him be swallowed up by me." The fire again says, "Let my flames devour him."

The holy angels, whom God has given to be my ministering spirits and my companions in the future life, accuse me also. Alas, by my sins I have deprived myself of their holy ministry in this life, and of the blessed hope of their fellowship in the life that is to come. The very voice of God, the divine law, is also my accuser: that law I must either keep or perish; but for me to fulfill that law is plainly impossible, and the thought of perishing is absolutely intolerable. And God, the inflexible Judge, the almighty executor of His own immutable law, accuses me. Him, I cannot deceive, for He is wisdom itself. From Him I cannot flee, for His power reigns everywhere. Where then shall I flee (Psa. 139:7)?

To You, O blessed Christ, my only Redeemer and Savior, do I fly for refuge. Great indeed are my sins; but greater far is the satisfaction You have made for them. Great is my unrighteousness, but greater far is Your righteousness. I admit my sin, but O, do graciously remit its penalty. I reveal it, do mercifully conceal it. I penitently uncover it, do graciously hide it. In me there is nothing but sin, deserving Your condemnation; in You there is nothing but grace, affording me a blessed hope of salvation. I have committed many sins for which I could be most justly condemned; but You have omitted nothing, that You might most graciously save me.

I hear a voice in Canticles (Song of Solomon 2:14) that bids me hide in the clefts of the rock. You are the immovable rock (1 Cor. 10:4), and Your wounds its clefts. In them I will hide myself against the accusations of the whole world. My sins cry aloud to heaven for vengeance; but still more strongly cries out Your blood shed for my sins (Heb. 12:24). My sins mightily accuse me before God; but Your passion is mightier for my defense. My dreadfully wicked life clamors for my condemnation; but Your holy and righteous life pleads more powerfully still for my salvation. I appeal from the throne of Your justice to the throne of Your mercy. Nor do I desire to come before Your judgement bar, unless Your most holy merit interpose between me and Your judgement.

From Gerhard's Sacred Meditations, translated by Rev. C. W. Heisler, A.M., and slightly modified to update the English for contemporary usage.